Yesterday was a good day. I even put on 2 postings on the journal. Felt pretty good all day just extra tired. The thick head feeling thankfully was not there. What is my typical day?It is strange how I spent most of my life cursing the alarm clock that always seemed to wake be well before I was ready to get up. Now that I have no need to get up I am usually still awakening at the same time around 6:00 am. although over the past year I have found myself starting to sleep later more often. Today was 5:30 am, but today was different I will explain later.
When I awake, most days I spend the first hour with a really thick head, and very sleepy, yawning etc. it is almost like it takes my brain an hour or so longer than the rest of me to wake up. I just call it being in my morning fog. Anyway put on a pot of coffee and read the paper until my head starts to clear. It continues to surprise me how bad my memory has become. Vi will occasionally peek over my shoulder see a headline and ask what that story was about. At times I will know I have just read that article but have no memory what so ever about what it was. Then to the computer and start the journal. Some days I am done in about an hour, others I tire out and end up having a nap some where throughout. Ususally, I have 2 naps a day each 2-3 hours long. Supper is often the first time I eat in the day, I seem to be loosing my appetite. Watch TV until 10:30/11:00 then to sleep and start all over again. Through the awake times throw in a little prayer and meditation, reading and video games and you pretty much have my day. Bad days about the same, just with a thick head, lengthen the naps and throw in 3-6 periods of throwing up and you got it.
Today started a little different. I very seldom ever remember my dreams. Those that I do remember or hard to distinguish with reality. They seem so real, they take place in our bedroom in our house, Vi is sleeping right beside me. I see people standing around the bed just looking and smiling at me. When I awaken I can remember seeing people standing around the bed but can’t remember what any of them looked like, just that I felt calm relaxed. I smile back at them put my head back down on the pillow and back to sleep I go.
Now, lets face it if I had actually woken up and saw people standing around the bed, I would have been in a panic. Up in a flash grabbing my baseball bat, even in a dream why am I not atleast surprised to see people standing around the bed. I see strangers standing around my be, I am just relaxed and content, give them a smile and go back to sleep, what kind of a dream is that? Why do I have this as a reoccuring dream and can remember bits of it while very few other dreams stay with me. These dreams started about 3 years ago, before my health went down hill.
I have the only explanation that makes any sense to me. I have always believed in Angels and Guardian Angels. It was about that time, I heard stories of how you could contact your Angels through meditation. Now being me, I jumped right into this, I was already meditating, so lets go. As usual, I had no idea what I was doing, but doing it anyway. I asked my Angels to reveal themselves to me, got into the mediation and nothing happened. One thing absolutely amazing was to happen later but that I will write about on its own. Much later, I realized that was about the time the dreams started. It wasn’t until months later that I began to put 2 and 2 together. I actually got a book talking of the Angels and even a form of meditation in which you can make contact with them. Our Angels are always with us and willing to communicate, it is just they communicate on a frequency different than their own and we just can’t hear them until we learn to tune into that frequency. At the time when I began my meditation I hadn’t bothered at that time to check or learn really anything about the process. I just thought OK, I will meditate and poof and Angel will appear. The thought at that time never entered my head that they actually could be revealing themselves to me in what I was writting off as just a “weird” dream. Looking back I realized the timing was right, and what else could explain my calm almost serene reaction to seeing people standing around the bed.
I had the dream again last night, only this time it was my ex father-in-law. He was standing beside the bed sort of bent over looking down at me. He looked younger and very fit, but it was definately him. He had a worried almost concerned look on his face. That image of his face has stuck with me very vividly this morning. By the way, he did pass on quite some time ago.
Do I believe he has become one of my Guardian Angels, NO. I do believe, those that have passed can on occasion return to give us important messages, or Guardian Angels can manifest themselves in any form they feel is necessary to communicate with us. Why the conserned look on his face. I thought about it and meditated on it this morning. I know I have feelings of anger towards my ex father-in-law. To leave this world with a clear heart I must work on releasing that, I have work to do.
The lines in the Lords Prayer, keep coming back to me: “Forgive us our trespasses AS we have forgiven those that trespass against us”