I read it is good make a list of the 10 things I would like to do before I die. I feel comfortable and satisfied within my life, and no matter how hard I have tried I can’t come up with really anything to put on that list. Well that is other than winning the lottery and having a date with Meg Ryan or Jennifer Aniston. I am pretty sure there would have to be 3 on the date as I am sure Vi would insist on coming along. But hey if anyone can set me up please do. haha.

I guess what I am trying to say is I am content. Doctors have made it clear there are no more treatment options available. I can either chose to be miserable during my last days fretting and worring or I can chose to be content. I am satisfied, with my life, not necessarily the length but generally with the quality. There have some definate lows, and I may talk about them sometime, just to get it off my chest.

This writing is proving much more beneficial than I had ever imagined, it is helping change my mind set more and more. Some of the kind responses I have received have been like a energy boost. I am trying to tell the world, dying is not a scary bad thing, it is not something we have to fear. I really believe this but it seems the more I talk about it, the more I type it, it is becoming more ingrained into my system. My brain has always held these beliefs but by doing this it seems to be settling more and more into my heart, giving me the serenity I so desperately wanted.

I really encourage any one to journal, you will be surprised how benificial it can be. Many people have encouraged it in the past but for some reason I always sluffed it off. I suppose it is true we get wiser with age. Some times it is sad that we wait until it is to late to get this “wisdom” and then often don’t act on it.

My stepdaughter is getting married tomorrow. Congratualtions to Jackie and Curt. I am sorry I can’t be there in person but know I am there in spirit. My wish for Jackie and Curt and for all people around the world. “may the very best day in you past, be not nearly as good as the worst day in your future”

2 Responses to Journal

  1. I’ve been exploring your blog site and I find it very real and touching to read. I agree with you writing is such a good way to work through things and find a release. Sometimes it is just a way to get a new perspective.

    Thank you for taking the time to look at my site. I appreciated that. I hope you have much positive and loved filled time ahead with your family and friends. Blessings and love to you.

  2. TheBlackTwig says:

    This a great journal not on death, but on life. I admire your courage and optimism. By the way, have you read Zygmunt Bauman’s On Death and Dying? I read it when I was in my undegrad and since then I have learned to accept and celebrate death the same way I cherish life. I will be following your entries. Nice meeting you. -Dahlia from the Philippines

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