I have found this blogging experience, sharing my journal online to bsuch a wonderful experience.
What I have gained as an individual from this whole experience just has to out weigh anything I may have delivered, it just has to.
I want to at least try to share the wonders of this experience with others. I realize not every one has a blog of their own in which to share their story. So many are going through so much, endure so much and doing it alone.
Some may be separated by distance or circumstances from loved ones and forced in that way to deal with it “alone”. Others may be literally surrounded by loved ones but are still dealing with it, “alone”. Possibly feeling the need to put on a brave face for those loved ones. But while doing that are keeping so much bottled up inside. There are times I know, when you can be in a room full of people full of loved ones and you can experience the loneliest feelings of all. This whole dying business can be the lonelist time of all. It is the only thing in this life time that we will ultimeatley face alone.
There is the saying which is so true. “Knowledge, without experience is only information”. I hope this will become a meeting spot for all that have the information and are in the midst of the experience.
No one has to face this alone, irregardless of your definition of alone. There are infact many of us sharing your experience and can relate to any feelings you may have. No one has to face this in any sense of the word, I am here many are here. Please share what you care to and know in doing so, we will understand.
January 23, 2009 at 7:04 pm |
Alejandro Valdes Says:
January 23, 2009 at 12:55 pm edit
I am 38 years old, single, no kids and dying of male breast cancer that has spread to my organs. I don’t know if I’ll make it through the year. I’m so sad that I will not be able to realize many of my dreams. I haven’t told anybody in my family of my illness because my mother was sick for over 2 years before she passed and many people in my family were put through a lot, including myself. I don’t want anybody to feel sorry for me, and I don’t want anybody to go through any pain because of my situation. I’ve accepted the fact that I will not be around for long, but I’m terrified of suffering. Although I am surrounded by people, I always feel alone. I often find confort in the hopes that god does really exist, and that there is something in store after I leave this world. I know everyone is dying, but I would have preffered not to know it was coming. I thank god for everything in my life and appreciate every breath. Many people dont have the privelege to live the life i’ve lived. Like somebody said in a previous comment, children die everyday. But after all of this , I battle fear and lonliness on a consistent basis.
Dear Alejandro, I am sorry it has taken me a couple 0f days to respond to your comment, life sometimes seems to get in the way of my computer time.
It did take courage for you to post the comment you did and I am honored that you would chose to share this with me.
To say you are in a tough spot is such and understatement. I wish I had some magic words that I could say to at least ease your burden. I am not sure there are any such words.
You are carrying one of the heaviest burdens a person can carry in this life time. It is as you say both a scary and a lonely time. It is lonely because there really is no one else that can truly relate to what you are going through. In many ways it is such a personal and private thing, that we must deal with and come to terms with on our own.
But, even as I say that I know for myself the burden was eased tremendously by sharing it with my loved ones. Did I share it with them to cause them extra worry or grief, of course not. I shared with the hope that it would also give them extra time to prepare for what is coming. I would like to be able to say this was a truly noble deed on my part, but it wasn’t. I also knew that through them I would gain much support as I continue on this journey. It is an individual choice for you to make and I can only tell you what was best for me, which was indeed sharing this information. It has been a win/win situation, if you can call something like this a win/win. We have been able to provide mutual support going both ways. I know the grief my family will face and I am trying to ease that for them, or at least prepare them in anyway I can.
I suppose my burden has been greatly eased as in my own mind I have no doubt about God, Heaven and what awaits both you and I, in fact what awaits everyone. I have longer than you to get “used” to the idea I suppose and I do not fear dying.
I though am like you in have some fear of the physical process. I am told I have a high pain tolerance, well I don’t think so.
I hope you don’t mind but I am going to email you directly. I do hope to hear back from you
Bill
January 24, 2009 at 3:58 am |
If I were your family, I would want to know your situation. To share the fear, pain and unknown with you. I would not want you to keep this from me. I would try to benefit you in a way only family can. Just my thought on the fact that you have not told your family.
I respect your choice, but I had an opinion to share.
January 24, 2009 at 9:54 am |
Alejandro- Tell your family. If not for yourself, for them. Don’t leave them in the dark, regretting a lost opportunity to let you know how much they care for you. Sometimes, it is a situation like this that allows people to open up in ways that they want to, but otherwise do not know how. I think you’ll find great comfort once you stop carrying the weight of the situation alone. Everyone goes through a lot in life. Don’t let the past experiences that your family has endured prevent you from receiving their support and love. You are missing out on blessings more than you can comprehend.
Peace to you!
February 3, 2009 at 3:14 am |
My sister and I were not told that our father was dying. We found out after he died that he and his wife had known for months in advance. This experinece left my sister and me angry and sad. We felt like we have been cheated out of an opportunity for some meaning ful last moments and a chance to give our love to him (by whatever we could do for him) one last time. We have forgiven our father and step-mother but have learned a lesson about sharing with people who love you. I know my father wasn’t trying to be selfish or exclude us, but that was how it felt. I love him for wanting to be strong for us to the very end but I wished he hadn’t done it that way.
Hi Denise, I am sorry to hear of the passing of your father. I am glad you can appreciate your father was not being selfish, nor was he trying to exclude from his life. If anything I am sure he was trying to spare you the grief and pain. I suppose a better way to but it would be to spare you the pain until the time came when it was inevitable. I am sure his motives were based on love.
Having said that, though I can certainly understand your feelings. I imagine it feels like being deprived of a “special” time with him.
Love is what counts in the end. You know of his love for you as I am sure he knew of yours for him.
With the loss of a loved one the pain and grief can seem unbearable at times. We each deal with it in our own way. My prayers are with you as you find your way.
I do thank you for sharing your story with me.
Bill
April 24, 2009 at 11:39 pm |
Searching for comfort I came across this site via an engine search.
My mother, whom I have been out of contact with for several years had a massive heart attack about a month ago. This was an emotional process for me, not just in the fact that she had a heart attack but all those other emotions/pain as well.
Though my mother was having medical heart surgery and I was undergoing spiritual heart surgery.
Through God’s grace I made the 850 mile trip to visit my mother in the hospital and am so glad that I did. I did not want her to leave this world without knowing that I loved her no matter what. It was a wonderful visit for her and I both.
Today she is still in the hospital and the ventilator was removed at her request. I’m having a very hard time as to if I should try to make another trip to see her. I’m still 850 miles away and it’s so hard not being there with/for her. I spoke with her on the phone last night and it was so hard to hold back the tears. She was able to say things to me that she couldn’t say when I was there and vice versa. I think we were both hoping for the best and thinking we’d see each other again soon and start a new relationship. We are not promised tomorrow.
Last night on the phone she told me she loved me and she was sorry for all the things she had done. I told her it was water under the bridge and that I was sorry to. She was not able to say much, as she is very weak. My heart is so broken.
Last night I stayed up looking through old photographs of times we shared. I laughed and cried for hours through them all.
I want so much to ask her how she feels or where she stands in her faith, as I am a Christian and I don’t want to say goodbye to her…I want to say until I see you again, in heaven. At the same time, I don’t want to cause her any stress.
The doctors say she may live an hour at this point, or two weeks, it’s uncertain but her heart is very very weak.
I will speak with her again on the phone tonight and want so much to comfort her but am at a loss for words. I pray God will give them to me.
Hi Johnna, You are in such a painful place, My heart truly goes out to you, your mother and your entire family. All are in my prayers.
I am so very glad you had the opportunity to reconnect with your mother prior to her passing. I am sure that has meant the world to both of you. I can only imagine that it has lightened her load as she nears the end. I wish I had some words to share that would lessen the pain for all but at a time like this, I just really don’t think there are any.
You are a Christian, turn to God, lean on Him and your beliefs for support. I do not believe we truly have to ever say good bye to anyone in our lives. We all will have the opportunity to be reunited on other side. Saying see you later in my mind is perfectly acceptable.
Should you make that difficult trip again? There is no real right or wrong answer to this, it all depends on how you feel in your heart. Looking forward into the future, will you feel better within your heart knowing you made every effort to see her for the last time, will you regret it if you don’t?
A 850 mile trip is difficult and expensive, no doubt about that. I don’t know your circumstances and it could be virtually impossible to make it. If that is the case, don’t fret about it. Instead turn your energy to love on the telephone. You said it yourself, there are times when it is easier it seems to say things on the phone than it is in person. Share your love, let nothing go unsaid.
I thank you for sharing your feelings as you have and ask that you please continue to do so.
You are in my thoughts, my mind and prayers.
Bill
April 25, 2009 at 9:33 pm |
Johnna,
It is so hard to lose a parent. I’ve lost both of mine long ago, and now my children are losing me as I die of lung cancer. From the parent’s point of view, I can tell you that the only thing that matters to me is the expression of love from my family. It turns out in the end that the only thing that matters is love…whether it comes from a visit or a phone call.
God’s peace to you,
Sarah
April 25, 2009 at 11:34 pm |
Johnna:
Bill & Sarah have spoken wisely.
If you speak to your Mom again, tell her you love her without conditions.
[Since she asked for the vent to be removed, I would say she has already made
her peace with God and is fully ready to jouney home.]
My thoughts and prayers are with you at this most difficult time…
May 16, 2009 at 8:21 am |
May 28, 2009 at 4:38 am |
Alejandro Valdes-
I can understand your decision and might have done so myself. No matter what others say, stay strong to your own self and the world can be yours. When I say stay strong I mean strong not stubborn. And remember that when it all comes to it, we will always be alone, no matter how many touch our lives. Good luck to you and all your family.
P.S. I would love to hear about your experiences.
June 22, 2009 at 3:57 am |
i have approxiamately 2-3 weeks to live. I would like to publish my thoughts, feelings and experience. I do not want compensation or compassion. Just a lending air. Where is the best place to write?
Hi Johnny. I am sorry to hear of your medical condition, you are in my prayers.
I would be honored to have you share any thought or feelings you may wish to right here on this blog. Leave a comment or comments just as you did now. I am sure many will be interested in reading what you have to say. You will also I am sure gain a lot of loving support from the many readers.
I do hope to hear from you
Bill
June 22, 2009 at 10:59 am |
Johnny:
You can post here as Bill has suggested, and a large number of people will view those posts. Or you can create your own blog, if you want your posts on a personal site.
Thank you for your willingness to publish your thoughts and feelings.
July 21, 2009 at 2:17 am |
Johnna-
Im am sorry to hear about your mother. I hope that you can learn to forgive her and allow her peace. Remember: Life can lead to Heavon or Hell but Love can lead to eternal bliss and joy.
August 24, 2009 at 6:21 am |
Reading the post and the comments here, I have discovered one of the great purposes and advantages that blogs give. Indeed blogs become a reason to air out the most intimate emotions and ideas one may have – ideas or thoughts that are sometimes to difficult to share with the people around us.
My perspective in life and in blogging has indeed widen because of what I’ve encountered in this blog.
I hope that amidst the sufferings that we encounter, we somehow find the comfort that I know is There.
September 7, 2009 at 12:55 am |
Hi,Iam saddened and yet have a clear understanding
of your fates as well as my own.I used to clean up
Radiation contamanated debries from the Marschall I
slands “Enewetok Atoll” caused by early atomic bomb
experiments.Although i am a relatively young man at
50 years of age.I am not as alarmed or surprized as one would think.I have know for quite sometime as to
the futuristic outcome and inherit risks involved.I
hope in faith and wish all comfort in the time ahead
for others i can not speak, as for my self i am scared
and curious at the same time of the great unknown but
in faith i step forward to my destiny.
Former Soldier
Father Friend
Son and I
Ty for
sharing
time…
Hello Joseph, I thank you for sharing as you have. I welcome you, I ask you to return often and share more of your journey.
Bill
September 7, 2009 at 2:35 am |
Thank you for sharing a bit of your story.
((((((( joseph)))))))
I hope you feel welcome here and will post again.
September 7, 2009 at 11:07 pm |
Hi Joey,
You have touched many lives in yr life.
Many people do care about u and will help u through this.
(((((((((joey))))))
love, Lynda
hi Lynda, thank you for stopping by and leaving the loving message for Joey. All messages are always welcome
September 7, 2009 at 6:25 am |
Joseph, in my thoughts and prayers you will be.
September 9, 2009 at 5:23 am |
Joey,
I just want u to know, that even though we are many miles apart, I am still here for u. Feel free to talk to me anytime.
((((Joey))))
love, lynda
November 2, 2009 at 4:07 pm |
PLEASE FORGIVE ME AHEAD OF TIME FOR WHAT I AM ABOUT TO SAY IF THIS HURTS ANYONES FEELINGS BUT IT MUST BE SAID…………….
LOOK DEEP WITHIN YOURSELF AS YOUR LAST DAYS ON THIS EARTH ARE COMING TO A CLOSE, LOOK AT IT AS YOU AND ONLY YOU HAVE TOUCH MANY SOULS WHILE YOU ARE HERE. DO NOT BE COLD WITHIN YOURSELF TO NOT LET THOSE THAT LOVE YOU, CARE FOR YOU, AND HAVE BEEN THERE FOR YOU IN ON WHAT IS HAPPENING TO YOU. IT IS LOVE THAT CAN HELP TURN THE PAIN AWAY, THE LONELY FEELINGS YOUR GOING THROUGH,AND THE FOREVER FEELINGS OF HELPLESSNESS THAT SURROUND YOU. YOUR LOVE ONES WILL BE HERE THIS LIFE, IN THE AFTER LIFE, AND THE NEXT LIFE. YOUR SOULS ARE CONNECTED TOGETHER AND YOUR SOUL DEPENDS ON THEM AS MUCH AS THERE SOULS DEPEND ON YOU. DO NOT LET THEM DOWN…..BRING YOUR LOVE TO ITS FULLEST POWER IN THE DAYS TO COME, IT IS YOU THAT CAN TEACH THE REST OF THIS WORLD ABOUT UNCONDITIONAL LOVE FOR ALL LIVING THINGS AS YOU WALK THE LINE TOWARDS THE BEST WORLD TO COME. SURE SORROW, SADNESS, AND LOSING YOU WILL EFFECT YOUR FAMILY BUT THEY DESERVE TO BE TOLD THE TRUTH. YOU MIGHT LEARN SOMETHING MORE ABOUT THEM THAN YOU COULD IMAGINE. IF THIS UPSETS ANYONE I AM SORRY BUT AT TIMES THERE MUST BE THE ONE PERSON THAT WILL NOT LET YOU HAVE THE PITTY. YOU HAVE TO LOOK AT ALL THINGS FROM A POSITIVE ASPECT IN ORDER FOR YOUR TRUE LOVE TO SHINE. REMEMBER ONE THING AS I CLOSE………WITHOUT YOU THE WORLD WOULD NOT BE A BETTER PLACE, WITHOUT YOUR LOVE PEOPLE CANNOT BELONG, WITHOUT YOUR HOPE PEOPLE COULD NOT SEE,WITHOUT YOUR DEATH PEOPLE WOULD NOT UNDERSTAND. WITHOUT YOUR TEACHING WE ALL BECOME THE SAND…..MY LOVE FROM MY SOUL ENCOURAGES YOU TO DO THE RIGHT THING WITH YOUR FAMILY AS THIS DAY GOES FORTH…….NOW IT IS UP TO YOU!
Hi PURPLE HATTER. our thoughts are most definitely in line. Everything you have said is part of the message I have in my own rambling way been trying to make though out this journal. I thank you for sharing these thoughts and hope you will continue to do so.
Thanks again.
Bill
November 2, 2009 at 4:37 pm |
Dear Purple hatter,
True but honest words.
I believe people should be around those with a postitive attitude. It is difficult to see someone u care about very much go through this. A man I know and care about is dying of cancer, his high spirits keep me motivated to treat him as a good close friend and not to have pity on him. Don’t get me wrong, I hate what he is going through , I just let him know daily I am here for him, across the miles, whenever he needs to talk.
((((((((joey)))))) , this is for u.
LOVE, Lynda
Hi Lynda you are going through a very difficult time, please keep that loving positive attitude. Also please feel free to return here at any time to share what ever or even to just vent if that is what you need to do at the time.
You are in my heart and prayers.
Bill
November 2, 2009 at 5:05 pm |
LYNDA, YOUR VERY RIGHT IT IS HARD TO WATCH A LOVE ONE GO THROUGH ANY DEATH SENTENCE. I AM GOING TO GO OUT ON A LIMB HERE………
I WATCHED A STEP FATHER SLOWLY DIE OF LIVER FAILURE BUT IT IS WHAT HE TAUGHT ME ABOUT LIFE THAT IS EVERLASTING………THE CIRCLE OF LIFE AND DEATH WE ALL WALK IS IMPORTANT FOR TRUE BEING.OUR SOULS ARE HERE TO LEARN, TO TEACH, TO FULFILL A GREATER GOOD. WE LEARN FROM DEATH TO CHARISH WHAT WE HAVE AS A BEING NOT WHAT WE CAN OWN. IF WE COULD ALL LEARN TO LIVE LIFE AS THIS DAY IS ALL THAT MATTERS, TO TOUCH SOULS AS SOULS, AND LEAVE THE WORLDLY STUFF BEHIND WE WOULD SURELY GROW AS BEINGS. TO UNDERSTAND DEATH IS TO UNDERSTAND LIFE. IT IS LOVE THAT MATTERS BEYOND ALL ELSE, IF YOU ARE DYING IT IS LOVE FOR WHAT YOU HAVE AT THIS VERY SECOND THAT COUNTS…THE TIME THAT IS LEFT..EACH SECOND HAS A MEANING, EACH BREATH IS A GLORY, EACH FEELING OF TOUCHING IS CONFORTING, TO LOVE FOR THAT ONE SECOND IS MORE POWERFUL THAN LIFE ITSELF FOR THAT COMES FROM THE EVERLASTING SOUL WHICH LIVES ON.
Hi PURPLE HATTER, I thank you for leaving this comment. What you have said hits to the very core of everything I believe in. Very well said I do hope to hear more from you.
Bill