I am now a 56 year old male living in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada. The past several years has seen a real transformation in my life and in my very thought process. Hearing the words “you are dying” come out of your doctors mouth, tends to really catch your attention, or at least it did in my case. I can now see that it was indeed at that moment, the “transformation” of my thinking began in earnest.
I have had numerous “wake up” calls in my life. With each my thinking and my actions in life did change, but sadly for me any change was minimal or temporary.
I had my first heart attack when I was 39 and have had 4 more since then. Two of which were very serious, one followed by by-pass surgery. Three of the others were followed by an angioplasty with a stent being implanted in my heart each time. A brain tumor was discovered and over time a few more conditions were diagnosed, the most serious being my current heart failure. Each event in itself, a wake up call but I just didn’t want to hear it. I blindly carried on in my own old way of doing things and of thinking things. No, that is not entirely true. My thinking did change a little, but I suppose it was almost in an arrogant way. I became proud of how tough and strong I was. I mean four heart attacks hadn’t put me down, doesn’t that show how tough and strong I am.
Three little words out of my doctors mouth “you are dying” was finally a wake up call I could hear. Oh, I could hear this one loud and clear.
With this my thinking began to change, I began to see life differently. I see, I wasn’t in the past being tough and strong, I was being stupid (man do I hate using that word to describe myself, but if the shoe fits) or blind or maybe in denial. I am sure there was an element of laziness thrown in there also. Changing your thinking, your way of life takes work and effort, something I sadly wasn’t ready to do. I suppose it could be said my laziness paid off in the end, I didn’t end up having to work at it at all. I had left it to late. I left it until I got the BIG call and then it just seemed to happen. I had to wait to the point when I am dying before I could begin to see life more clearly. Oh, how I am kicking myself now.
I try to chronicle my on going medical issues, (heart failure, edema, brain tumor, epilepsy, diabetes and severe memory loss.) I hope in a way that provides hope to others. Life does not stop because of an illness. Life carries on with the only difference being, whether we choose to live it or endure it. Life is beautiful, sadly we often don’t appreciate how beautiful until we are about to loose it. Attitude is everything.
I hope by sharing my thoughts I can maybe help others see their own wake ups calls on time and not wait as I did. I hope by sharing my story I can provide possibly an element of comfort to others in my situation and maybe a bit of an understanding about this whole dying process to families and friends. It is a natural part of the life process and doesn’t have to be feared.
I am truly bless as I make my journey to be supported by my faith, loving family and friends. All of which I share here. I realize dying is not exclusive to those of the Christian faith and while I may share my individual beliefs, it is not my intention that this should be a Christian site. Rather it be a place of sharing and learning, as we all are or eventually will be preparing for our final earthly voyage. All are welcome to join in and leave comments as they see fit. Sharing expressing thoughts and feelings. I invite comments from those of all Faiths, we are all in this together.