Had an appointment with my family doctor yesterday. We both (Vi and I) always seem to come away from those appointments filled with feelings of doom and gloom. This is the same doctor that told me a few months back that I had days, maybe weeks but not months left.
Yesterday, we discussed my up coming surgery being in 6 to 8 weeks. He added that the surgery would be only if I was still alive. That sort of stopped me in my tracks, like of course it will only be if I am still alive. I am REALLY sure it would be canceled if I had indeed already passed. Through out the appointment he threw in that “if you are still alive” thing 3 or 4 times.
It reached the point I had to confront him about it, “why do you have to keep stating the obvious?” His response: “to keep the discussion realistic”. He just doesn’t think I have that long.
It was so very hard on Vi hearing it again and again
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14 Responses to Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Doctor appointment
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Who am I?
I am a 61 year old male. At the age of 52 I was told by my doctor I am dying. For the past 4 years, I have done my best to deal with both congestive heart failure and a brain tumor, while knowing my days are indeed numbered. It is my hope that by sharing my experiences, I can encourage others faced with the same situation. I hope to also help the families of those individuals to have an understanding of the process and deal with the fear or dread of being around the dying. I am not a doctor, not a man of the clergy, I am not a therapist. I am just me, Bill Howdle, I am merely sharing my thoughts and ideas. I write of death and dying, understand this is my personal prospective, based on what I am encountering.Blog Stats
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Dying mans daily journal 
All I have to say is a change of Doctor is in order!!! Unbelievable, what an unprofessional Jerk !!!
Mate. I’m sorry, that’s harsh. He sounds like a bit of a tactless spanner and I do feel for both of you. Even if he thinks you’re doomed there are ways of saying that without being quite so blunt. It sounds as if he’s confusing burying your heads in the sand with a positive outlook. More fool him.
Good luck and god bless as always.
Cheers
BC
What the hell is wrong with that guy?!? It’s not like you are in denial about your condition. Is he just upset that he was wrong and you are still doing fine? This guy is really pissing me off. Please get another doctor Bill.
You really do need to change Doctors, with that kinda attitude this dude has….I be running for the Hills. I still can’t get over what he said to you and Vi! God forgive me but he needs a kick in the A..!!
I agree with everyone else……you do need a new family doctor! What a jerk!
My gosh I can’t believe this doctor is so negative. You continue to prove him wrong. Sounds like he has no respect for your cardiac doctors either. I’m sure the specialists are more optimistic than Dr. Jerk. It is unfortunate that in our Province it is difficult to get a new family doctor if you already have one. Continue to look toward your next procedure, and the positive results. Our cardiac team here are the best. Okay everyone group hug for Bill & Vi.
Hi Bill .. completely unnecessary to say it – he really shouldn’t be in his position. You’d think he’d be empathetic to his patients …
Frankly show him the post .. and our comments … enough is enough for you both to deal with .. you’ve been in this position long enough, you’re not going to forget are you – but for it to be emphasised again and again .. is ridiculous …
My thoughts and big hugs for you both .. Hilary
You should find another Doctor, you don’t need a doctor of doom. Also I would not trust him. In his mind you are already gone. But then this should motivate you to live for another year just to prove him wrong. I had a friend that several Doctors told he would not live for two months if he did not take better care of hisself and he lived for 5 more years. Doctors can be wrong. A Doctor sent my wife home to die when she had cancer but she lived because she had stubborn determination, at least that is what she calls it. If your Doctor Doom is giving you any medication I would have other doctors check them. Doctors will give you stuff that will shorten your life. I know this to be a fact. I advise you to change Doctors, doctor doom is not trying to help you anymore and does not expect to see you again. My wife went to the funeral of the doctor who sent her home to die. He also tild her that if she had taken the pills he sent her home with it would of killed her and she told him she as a Nurse knew that.
I’m all for being realistic, but this guy sounds like a heartless monster. I mean, really! Like you haven’t known, for what, 4 years? that each day is a blessing and there is no promise for the next? Sheesh! You just show him!
I’m not sure what I want to say here, Bill…..of course I wasn’t thrilled that you were having that kind of interaction with the physician. I understand, in some cases, where it’s important to remind the patient of what’s true. I didn’t much like it when the doc kept saying true/obvious things to me…..’get your affairs in order’, ‘we’re not going to get a remission’, ‘this disease will claim your life’….. NOT exactly what I wanted to hear–but I had this deal with denial, so I think he felt compelled to remind me of what was true. When I was able to talk it with him for what it WAS–he didn’t feel the need to do that for me any more. I want to give your doc the benefit of the doubt….but I don’t SEE you doing denial like I was. Maybe that’s because I come here and know what I know about you that’s true. Maybe he doesn’t know that you get it?
Maybe he really does just want you grounded in reality?
And maybe he needs a lesson in bedside manner?
Maybe he’s a GREAT physician and sucks at compassion?
*sigh*
Truth is I was miffed at how the gent presented it multiple times. And I was hugely glad you decided to question that decision. I don’t imagine that the repetition of the facts was feeling particularly helpful or supportive to either you or Vi. I think it’s really, REALLY good you said it to him–and he might require it being said to him more than once.
Mostly I don’t like the after affects of his decision. I don’t think you need the Debbie Downer stuff. You know what the deal is. Vi certainly isn’t needing reminded– When professionals make the decision to remind us what the facts are, it’s generally to help us. But I’m clear the two of you didn’t feel ‘helped’…. Best I can suggest is a step back to examine what the two of YOU need to be ‘okay’ — a look at how the two of you can grab what’s in front of you today, to have the most awesome of days with each other and the people you love and care about.
You don’t wanna waste today on that garbage–you know what’s true and you try, best you can, to live and love fully–TODAY.
Don’t let the fella stay in your head and cheat your heart out of loving TODAY, yaknow?
((((((((((((((( Bill )))))))))))))))
(((((((((((( Vi )))))))))))))))
You could send US his name and address! We’d GLADLY have a conversation with him on your behalf.
My heart goes out to you both. He certainly could use a high dose of bedside manner! He is into the whole science end of things, but has forgotten about mystery and God and miracle. As I read everyone’s comments, I certainly agree with everyone, but I had the strange thought that he too could use a random act of kindness, maybe in the form of prayer, you know how they say to pray for our enemies. I will pray that his imagination of what healing is about will be touched by mysteries that modern medicine don’t address because that too should be part of his art and vocation. I call that mystery God. And prayers for you both that you keep your sights fixed on “Thy will be done” and trusting in God’s love for you.
Amen!!
Yes..definitely prayer worthy.
Oh, and it’s just me checking up on you sir…matters to this one yaknow!
*hugs*
Bill , I don’t get these doctors , mine told me in 2003 that I had a 50% chance of living 2-3 years and would need a heart transplant if I lived 6—that was 7 years ago. The first year was rough emotionally.