Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Seeking tips

Yesterday was a good day for a lot of reasons but for 3 in particular.

Vi came home. she has spent the past week up in Thompson baby sitting grandchildren.

The refrigerator is out of the living room and back into the kitchen. Which means the kitchen reno is virtually complete. Just a few trim board and things like that need to be finished. And “I DID IT ALL MYSELF”. I suppose to be fair I should acknowledge that Earth Angel Henri Chevillard and others may have helped a bit. Maybe instead of saying a bit, I should say helped “some” but I DID THE REST OF IT. OK, OK you got me, Earth Angel Henri did about 90% of the work but I DID THE REST.  Oh wait, Eric and Lynda did help when they could, there was also brother-in-law Neal……. Hmm, maybe I should be saying every job needs a good supervisor and I DID THAT or at least between naps I DID THAT. I thank God for the Earth Angels in my life. I have to do a post on that. I think of Henri. He donated literally hundreds of hours. I say donated I mean that, when I tried to pay him at least a little something he politely declined. Knowing there are people such as this in this world of ours just makes me feel good inside.

Yesterday I got a phone call that has me excited. This weekend my Aunt Isabel is coming for a visit. I really enjoy her visits and spending time with her. I know I have written about past visits.

Now this is going to be more than just a nice visit. During the visit “a world championship title” will be place on the line. In the past Aunt Isabel and I have battled long and hard for this title. This weekend the title will again be on the line.

We both enjoy playing the card game crib. In a visit we will play numerous games. Two or three years ago we sat down to play and I declared it to be for the championship of the world. One game and the winner takes the title. Very quickly I realized for something as Important as the “Championship of the World” instead of one game it should be 2 out of 3, then 3 out of 5, no best of seven. She took the title home with her to Swan River.

We played again about a year later. Aunt Isabel put the title on the line. Still stinging from the defeat of the year before, I sought ways to possibly distract her or make her feel the pressure. Would she crack under the additional pressure if I made it a high “stakes money” game. I outlined the rules to her. It was to be best of seven plus to even enter the tournament we each had to ante up 25 cents. Well she didn’t crack under this additional pressure and again the title returned with her to Swan River.

We have a lot of fun playing. I am looking forward to the visit. Any tips or suggestions on how I can gain the edge , I mean this is for the “Championship of the World”.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Reuniting with high school buddy/ prayer request

Yesterday was a very special day for me. About a month ago right here on the blog I got a message from a high school buddy of mine.

Chuck Paxton and I were good friends through high school. Sadly, as is so often the case right after high school our individual lives took us in different directions and we lost contact. It is mind boggling to me when I think, high school, that was 38 years ago. How did 38 years go by so very quickly.

Memory or at least mine is a funny thing. There are often times when I can’t remember something that happened an hour ago, but I have memories of things that happened 40 years ago.

For Chuck and I my memories go way back to even before we had girl friends. One day maybe I will post some of the “high jinx” we got up to.

My memories carry back to another high school friend. Teri Dowler definitely fell into the cute chick category. I can remember way back to when Teri and Chuck started dating. They did make such a good couple. I think that was in grade 11. I chuckle now when I think of how our friendship evolved. I can’t say our friendship began before we discovered girls, oh, we knew they were there. There is a big step involved for young guys going from “knowing” they are there to having the nerve to talk to one or even ask a girl out. We were friends through that stage. I chuckle because I think back to how our “priorities” changed. We for sure remained friends we just didn’t hang out together as much. I am sure Chuck will echo these same feelings back to me. It was sort of, huh, hang out with Chuck on a Friday night or go on a date with a girl. That certainly didn’t seem to be a hard decision. We double dated on occasion and the friendship carried on.

I had know Teri before they started dating but obviously got to know her better as she dated Chuck. I think I was about 16 at the time and as I got to know her better, I could see not only was she a cute hot chick she was also very very nice. Through high school we went.

Now, I want to say I attended their wedding about a year or two after high school. Hey, I am memory guy and will have to leave it at, I am pretty sure I attended their wedding. From there we pretty much disappeared from each others lives. Careers, life in general taking us in different directions.

Chuck and I only reconnects a month or two ago when he reached out through cyber space, found me here on the blog and left me a message. Since then emails have been going back and forth, with an occasional phone call thrown in.

Chuck was scheduled to actually be passing through Winnipeg,yesterday, He kindly stopped over to the house for a visit. Time restraints made the visit short but we reconnected as friends. So much time has passed we could have met as virtual strangers but for me anyway it wasn’t like that. We immediately fell into the comfortable feeling you have when talking to a dear friend.

Chuck, I thank you so very much for first off locating and then reaching out to contact me and for then taking the time to stop by for a visit. I appreciate it buddy. Let’s please try to stay in touch.

Reestablishing the friendship is great, no question of that. Sadly, it is not all good news. Teri passed away April 27/09.  I quote from one of our emails.

“Teri was diagnosed with lung cancer in Oct ‘07 and spent the neat year and a half going thru chemo, radiation treatments and major surgery trying to beat it, but nothing worked and she passed away April 27 ‘09″.

When I read that email, I did get a lump in my throat and tears did come to the eyes.

Only, yesterday did I learn Teri had initially be stricken with cancer 30 years ago. Went through all the treatments and beat it, such a strong and courageous lady. Chuck and family, my heart is bleeding for you.

So very many times I have said it is so much more difficult for the families. Chuck is a strong man and will get past this with time. Talking to him yesterday I could see and feel his pain at the loose of a life time partner.

I ask please for prayers for Chuck, his family and all that are currently in or facing such a very difficult and painful time.

Chuck, buddy, I may not have been around for you in the past, I didn’t know. But know I am here now.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Prayer Request

Physically am feeling fine, just still have the worn out feeling but better than before. Seem to have an extreme case of what I call my wonkie head going on. Have started 3 or 4 different posts in which I have been on a roll just rambling away. Taken a break and come back and have been unable to pick up my thought process or where it was I was going or trying to say. I have dozens and dozens of those kind of saved posts. I read them now and keep thinking I must have some thought in mind or some point I wanted to make. Who knows? Maybe I was just rambling away with the thoughts of the moment that lead no where.

We all know that everyone we meet in life is fighting their own battles, facing their own issues. We all wear a mask, the face we put on for the world to see. On the surface we may see the lives of others as being just so perfect or wonderful. We just can’t see beyond the public face they are putting on. We all have our issues. I am asking please for what I suppose could be called a general prayer for everyone. May every single person on this planet receive the love and the support they need in this day. May both Heavenly and Earth Angels abound this day.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Feeling sentimental

I’ve had a really relaxing day. Have done NOTHING, just laid around and spent a lot of time napping.

I think it is a conbination of two separate posts that have me thinking, in that mushy sort of way. Dear blogging friend Jo left a comment on how she spent time with her daughter as her daughter did her nails for her. Then there is the comment from Sage’s mommy. For any that may not have realized it from past comments, Sage’s mommy is my daughter Billie. Sage being one of my grand daughters. Little Miss Sage is a true princess as is her younger sister Miss Emery. They are princesses in the realm of my heart.

Jo’s comment about her daughter doing her nails brought back so many wonderful memories. Now, I think of myself as a Macho guy?? Hmm, strange since I have wonderful memories of wearing make up, having my nails done and having all sorts of clips and ribbons in my hair. When they were very young my own two daughters Billie and Shauna loved getting me all decked out. I loved spending that time with them. I seem to remember the make up being applied a lot on the heavy side. They put such effort in to making me up to be beautiful, there was always a lot of laughing involved. A lot of the laughing seemed to be at how I looked but I was laughing having fun right along with them. When my grand daughters reach that age, if they are looking for a face to practice their make up applying skills, well here I am.

I am feeling really sentimental. I suppose this shows the two ways you can look at everything. I am thinking back to when Princess Sage was just little, not a big girl like she is now. I am not sure she must have been maybe a year or maybe a year and a half old. They were visting here at the house. She loved standing at one corner of the living room window and just look out at the world. She would manage to get her finger prints and lip prints all over that little section of the window.

Now here are the two ways you can look at it. You can only see a smudgy area on the window and rush to clean it. Or,

I didn’t see smudges or finger prints, I saw my little princess standing there leaving kisses on the window for grandpa to remember the visit by. I didn’t want them washed off and would let them get washed off.

If anyone were to comment: “you have some smudges on the bottom of your window. I would just reply: “Yeah, I know, aren’t they beautiful

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Dancing in the rain

I am feeling really tired and worn out. Going to take a few days to just catch up on my rest. Vi is out of town all this week having gone to babysit grandchildren Seth and Sadie. Hey, there is the old saying: “when the cat is away the mouse will play”, except in this case it will be, “when the cat is away the mouse is going to sleep”.

I was going to say, my posts may be a lot shorter for the next while, but then I thought. No, if I say that, I might just hear a big sigh of relief coming from everywhere.

Dear blogging friend Juanita sent me a wonderful email. I tried to copy it over but with the many pictures I couldn’t figure out how. Instead I share the last line with you. Please think about it and let me know what you think.

“Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass…it’s about learning how to dance in the rain.”

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Will You Dance with me

Today, I went for my regular check up at the heart failure clinic. I really can’t say enough good things about the wonderful doctors, nurses and staff there. All are so patient, kind and so very good at what they do. I do thank them all.

Today I really go the special treatment. There was the usual review of my medication, listen to my heart…..

Listening to my heart, Dr. Tan said he would like to have an echo cardiogram done as soon as possible. Apparently there can be quite a wait to have this done. He said he would have it scheduled and I would be advised when it would be. I had asked about getting the N1H1 flu shot and found I could indeed get it there. Dr. Tan excused himself and left as the nurse went to get my vacination.

The doctor returned within just a few minutes. He had gone to check on scheduling the test and found there had been a cancellation or a no show and that it could be done right then. How is that for lucky. How many times have I said it I am a very blessed and a very lucky man.

I am not even sure the procedure took 30 minutes or so. During that time Dr. Tan actually stopped in once or twice just to look at the ongoing images being produced. I heard him say things like, “that explains it”,  “now it all makes sense” and “that is what I thought it had to be”. Now I didn’t get a chance to actually see the doctor after the procedure was done. I was told the doctor would be phoning me within the next few days.

It is my increasing difficulty in breathing that is the concern.  From the bit I heard, it sounds like he may have the answer or at least I can hope.

I have to thank my wonderful cousin Gloria, she sends me the most beautiful and inspirational emails. I received this one and I just have to share it as it really says it all.

Will You Dance With Me?
READ THIS VERY SLOWLY…. IT’S PRETTY PROFOUND.

Too many people put off something that brings them joy just because they haven’t thought about it, don’t have it on their schedule, didn’t know it was coming or are too rigid to depart from their routine.

I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night in an effort to cut back. From then on, I’ve tried to be a little more flexible.

How many women out there will eat at home because their husband didn’t suggest going out to dinner until after something had been thawed? Does the word ‘refrigeration’ mean nothing to you?

How often have your kids dropped in to talk and sat in silence while you watched ‘ Jeopardy ‘ on television?

I cannot count the times I called my sister and said, ‘How about going to lunch in a half hour?’ She would gas up and stammer, ‘I can’t. I have clothes on the line. My hair is dirty. I wish I had known yesterday, I had a late breakfast, It looks like rain.’ And my personal favorite: ‘It’s Monday.’ She died a few years ago. We never did have lunch together.

Because Canadians cram so much into their lives, we tend to schedule our headaches. We live on a sparse diet of promises we make to ourselves when all the conditions are perfect!

We’ll go back and visit the grandparents when we get Steve toilet-trained. We’ll entertain when we replace the living-room carpet… We’ll go on a second honeymoon when we get two more kids out of college.

Life has a way of accelerating as we get older. The days get shorter, and the list of promises to ourselves gets longer. One morning, we awaken, and all we have to show for our lives is a litany of ‘I’m going to,’ ‘I plan on,’ and ‘Someday, when things are settled down a bit.’

When anyone calls my ’seize the moment’ friend, she is open to adventure and available for trips. She keeps an open mind on new ideas. Her enthusiasm for life is contagious. You talk with her for five minutes, and you’re ready to trade your bad feet for a pair of Roller blades and skip an elevator for a bungee cord..

My lips have not touched ice cream in 10 years. I love ice cream. It’s just that I might as well apply it directly to my stomach with a spatula and eliminate the digestive process The other day, I stopped the car and bought a triple-Decker. If my car had hit an iceberg on the way home, I would have died happy.

Now…go on and have a nice day. Do something you WANT to……not something on your SHOULD DO list. If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting?

Make sure you read this to the end; you will understand why I sent this to you.

Have you ever watched kids playing on a merry go round or listened to the rain lapping on the ground? Ever followed a butter fly’s erratic flight or gazed at the sun into the fading night? Do you run through each day on the fly? When you ask ‘ How are you?’ Do you hear the reply?

When the day is done, do you lie in your bed with the next hundred chores running through your head? Ever told your child, ‘We’ll do it tomorrow.’ And in your haste, not see his sorrow? Ever lost touch? Let a good friendship die? Just call to say ‘Hi?

When you worry and hurry through your day, it is like an unopened gift….Thrown away….. Life is not a race.  Take it slower. Hear the music before the song is over.

‘Life may not be the party we hoped for.. but while we are here we might as well dance!

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Living while dying

A friend has asked me to share so thoughts on how to carry on living while knowing you are dying.

This is not an easy thing for me to do. It causes me to pause and really think. It is also very complicated in that it will be different for each individual as thoughts, feeling and beliefs will differ even if only slightly.

I can only share what seems to be working best for me. I know I wrote on this yesterday in an email I published. Being the “memory” guy that I am, I can’t remember what I said. I now may be rehashing or restating what I have already said. I am uncomfortable going back and read previous posts.

When I first go the “big news” it shook m up pretty good. I wasn’t the happiest or most positive guy in town that is for sure. A lot happened in the next 3 or 4 months, the brain tumor was discovered, I was diagnosed with diabetes, epilepsy, edema with the heart failure. It seemed every time I visited the doctor I came away with a new ailment of some sort. I had a case of the poor me’s or the why me’s going on.

I have always had strong spiritual beliefs. I prayed long and hard. My prayers were always along the lines of “I love my life, please don’t take it away from me.”

I believe prayer is when I speak to God. Meditation is the time I slow my mind enough to allow HIM to speak to me. Now understand when I say “speak” to me, I don’t mean it in the sense that I am actually hearing His voice or anything like that, although that really would be nice. What I mean is that after meditation I often find that a new idea or thought will come to my mind.

A couple of thoughts that came helped me a lot.

This life of mine that I am praying to keep because I love it so much, why have I already stopped living it and I WASN’T EVEN DEAD YET!!! As I saw it, you can allow yourself to die inside long before your physical body does. Geesh, I still have life left and I am going to live it for as long as I can.

Another thought hit me. I was dealing with the “why me’s”. It came to me. Every years a certain number of people are going to have heart attacks, a certain number are going to have brain tumors discovered…… Instead of why me? It became more like “why not me”? I am no one special, so why would I expect God to excuse me from the per centages of people that get various illnesses or whatever. I wasn’t being picked on, it was just the way things turned out.

For me to live life. I knew I had to get myself out of the self pity party mind set.

My prayers changed to ” please grant me the eyes to see the beauty in this world. Please grant me the mind and the heart to take it all in and appreciate all that I see.”

It was about that time that I began blogging. The benefit of this experience is really beyond words.

From there it did seem to happen quite quickly. My eyes did come to see things differently, my mind interpret them differently and my heart feel it differently. Has my actual world changed? NO. What has changed is the way I see it and appreciate it.

I love and an so appreciative of this mind set. Being human, I often have to struggle to keep it. I find especially when I am tired, my spirits can so often sag. I have to do internal work on my thoughts and I seem to be able to regain my footing.

As a physical being it seems I often need to have a physical comparable in my mind to grasp it. I am pretty sure I shared this yesterday, but what can I say if I am repeating myself, oh well.

In my mind, I see my life, your life, everyone’s life as being comparable to a day at the beach.

Picture this: It is a beautiful day. You are at the beach with all of your friends and family. everything is perfect. The water is so warm and inviting you walk in to about your waist. You look around and see everything so beautiful and perfect. Your feet are planted firmly on the sand under the water. Occasionally, a small wave may come and cause you to sway in the water but your footing remains firm. Suddenly out of seemingly no where a much larger wave hits you. It may cause you to even lose your footing and stumble slightly. You though quickly scramble and regain your footing. You are then able to again look out at the beautiful world.

It may not be right for all or work for all but this is the thought process that seems to work best for me.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Email to Leslie

This morning I have read a very touching comment from Leslie. Please check it out. As I do I posted a responce to her comment and then as I so often do I attempted to email her offering further support. The email would not go through.

Leslie, I do hope you read this. The body of my email to you:

Hi Leslie, I thank you so much for sharing your very touching message, sharing your story with us on my blog.

Reading your words it seemed I could literally feel your pain as I have and at times am still feeling the same. I do hope you will continue to return to the blog joining our little loving supportive group. Yes, I do consider it to be a group as it has evolved into something far more than myself. I know we would all love to share some time with you.

I hope you don’t mind if I am a little to the point but I would love to ask you just a few questions. Please only answer those that you are comfortable with. What exactly have the doctors told you? Do you have family close by to whom you can turn to for not just moral support but also the physical support you may need on a daily basis? Are you in fact living at home or are you in some sort of medical facility? What are your spiritual or religious beliefs? Again, I ask please share only that which you are comfortable with.

Our situations are quite similar. I suppose if you would call it that, I have the advantage of having had a little more time to get used to this whole idea of dying. I am not sure why I have been give this gift of extra time but I am so very grateful for it. Even with this extra time, this dying idea still sucks.

Leslie, please keep in mind, I am not a doctor, I am not a man of the clergy, I am no sort of counselor, I am just a regular guy. I am simply sharing my thoughts, feelings and beliefs as I make this final leg of the journey of life. What we are facing is a very personal, individual journey. I don’t imagine there is an overall right or a wrong way to do it or to deal with it. We each make our own choices and deal with it in the best way we can at the time. I am sure many are offering you advice and I am but one more in doing so. It is an extremely difficult time for both you and your family. Each of you will in turn come to deal with this in your own way.

I can but offer you information about what or how I have chosen as my way. There is the old saying: “please take what you like and leave the rest.”

Doctors have used the dreaded dying word referring to me. That did send me into a bit of a tail spin. That idea does take some getting used to. For me, it is like a roller coaster ride with fast ups and downs. Maybe it is more like a day at the beach. It is a beautiful day, I am out in the water standing about waist deep. The water is calm and I am on solid footing. At times a small wave may come rolling in but is nothing I can’t deal with and retain my footing. Suddenly seemingly out of no where a totally unexpected big wave hits me and I am scrambling to regain my footing. I  but I regain it and get back on solid footing. The cycle goes on. You have asked me how I deal with it, well here it is, what works for me.

At some point in time I realized I had a big, big choice to make. I am doing everything medically that I can, following doctors orders etc.. I realize there is some date marked on a calendar in the future and my time on this earth will be up. Really that is the same for all of us. I may not like it but I can’t change that date, it is approaching, I just don’t know when.

For me, this is where I realized my choice came in. I love life, I love my life. My choice is limited to in fact how I am going to live my life for what ever time I do have left. I often write about in life we always have two choices in how we deal with virtually everything.

I am very blunt when I “speak” to myself. Here I am sharing my own self talk, I hope it isn’t offensive or to blunt for this message.

” My day is coming, there is nothing I can do to change that. all I can do is decide how I am going to live the days I do have left. One option would be to go into the poor me, why is this happening to me thought process. Curl up in a ball on the floor and essentially give up on life before it truly ends. Or, I can say to myself, this really really sucks but I love life and I AM going to live it right to the very last moment. There is so much more I can still do, still enjoy, still live in the time I do have left.

I have chosen option #2. I am going to live and I mean live for as long as I can. My body may be crumbling around me, but I am not my body, I am ME and I am doing well.

Sorry, Leslie I got on a real ramble here. I often tend to do that. I will leave you with this. I ask you to please join our blogging family.
You are in my heart, thoughts and prayers.
Bill

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Please remember

The content of an email received from cousin Gloria. Considering the day I think it should be shared.

 

THE FINAL INSPECTION

The soldier stood and faced God,

Which must always come to pass.

He hoped his shoes were shining,

Just as brightly as his brass.

‘Step forward now, you soldier,

How shall I deal with you ?

Have you always turned the other cheek ?

To My Church have you been true?’

The soldier squared his shoulders and said, ‘No, Lord, I guess I ain’t.

Because those of us who carry guns, Can’t always be a saint.

I’ve had to work most Sundays,

And at times my talk was tough.

And sometimes I’ve been violent,

Because the world is awfully rough.

But, I never took a penny,

That wasn’t mine to keep…

Though I worked a lot of overtime,

When the bills got just too steep.

And I never passed a cry for help,

Though at times I shook with fear.

And sometimes, God, forgive me,

I’ve wept unmanly tears.

I know I don’t deserve a place,

Among the people here.

They never wanted me around,

Except to calm their fears.

If you’ve a place for me here, Lord, It needn’t be so grand.

I never expected or had too much,

But if you don’t, I’ll understand.

There was a silence all around the throne,

Where the saints had often trod.

As the soldier waited quietly,

For the judgment of his God.

‘Step forward now, you soldier,

You’ve borne your burdens well.

Walk peacefully on Heaven’s streets,

You’ve done your time in Hell

.’ Author Unknown~

It’s the Military, not the reporter who has given us the freedom of the press.

It’s the Military, not the poet, who has given us the freedom of speech.

It’s the Military, not the politicians that ensures our right to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.

It’s the Military who salutes the flag, who serves beneath the flag, and whose coffin is draped by the flag.

If you care to offer the smallest token of recognition and appreciation for The Military, please pass this on and pray for our men and women who have served and are currently serving our country and pray for those who have given the ultimate sacrifice for freedom.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Act of kindness for yourself

Over the past 3 years of blogging, I must have asked all to perform random acts of kindness at least 4 or 5 times, don’t remember. I am doing it again but with a bit of a switch. First off though please take just a moment and really think about this. When was the last time you did something for yourself? We are all on the busy treadmill of life, rushing to get through our day, helping others, caring for others, doing our jobs. The pace of life seems unending and to ever quicken, we push ourselves harder and harder.

There is a fine line here somewhere. I belief that in life we do have to push ourselves ot some extent. By that I do not mean push ourselves to work harder or put in more hours at it. It is not a physical pushing of our bodies as an endurance test that I am talking. It is pushing our internal selves to grow as we all strive to become better people and learn the lessons of life. No matter how long we work at it or how much effort we put into it, we can never really learn all that this life has to teach us. If we actually did by some chance we would all be Saints. I can’t speak for how anyone else may see themselves, you may be a living, breathing, walking and talking Saint. For myself I realize I have a long long journey ahead of me before I could come anywhere close to that.

I believe we are Spiritual beings put on this earth with both missions to accomplish a lessons to learn. What are these lessons? Things like, learning how to truly love, how to accept being loved, patience, sympathy……….. That is an almost endless list. This journey we call life could be compared to a classroom. Are we squandering our class time, missing out on opportunities to learn these so important lessons. Are we really so “set” in our ways or truly so busy that by the time the physical day winds down we are just to tired to do anything more. It is here and only here I believe we have to push ourselves. As we learn and grow, we come to see our lives and the world differently. Our priorities become clearer and possibly with this our physical world will become a little less frantic.

I am not sure where I got this from, it is too good to be a Bill original but this is something I do try to live my life by: “Our Heavenly Father, sees us as but human beings, having all the frailties and weaknesses that come with that. As such He does not expect us to be perfect, BUT, He does expect us to keep trying.” To me that pretty much says it all. Keep trying, I just can’t imagine would include things like trying to figure out how to be able to put in a few extra hours a week at work.

Here I am at it again asking for gifts of kindness. This time though I am asking you to give that gift or kindness to yourself. There are such great demands on our time, the job, the family. Usually we prioritize them all above ourselves. Do something for yourself, anything, it doesn’t have to be even all that big, just something. Give yourself even a few minutes of you time. I can imagine there are some that may read this that will read it an suddenly realize, “gee, I don’t even really know what I could do for “me time”. That shows how alien that very thought can become to our minds.

Here is but one idea, something I enjoy. Find a spot where you can have even 10 or 15 minutes of uninterrupted quiet time. Might have to be after the kids are in bed or when ever. If you really look you will find the time. Even take the phone off the hook for that few minutes.

Settle yourself in a very comfortable chair with some quiet relaxing music playing in the background. Actually I have a couple of CD’s with nature sounds which I like to use. I like the sound of waves crashing on a beach.

When first sitting down I make a conscious effort to relax my body, letting to of all of the stress and pressure of the day. I try to rid my mind of all of these thoughts for that few minutes. They will still be there when I am finished, I can still work on finishing them when I am done. I just want to rid my mind of them for this few minutes.

I take a very quick mental inventory of my body, trying to let go of any stress I am carrying there. I start with my feet and work my way upward. I try to let go of my legs, letting them become nothing but heavy weights on the chair. I work my way up my body doing the same. For me stress likes to hang out in my neck and shoulders. I do my best for this time to just let it go, let my shoulders sag, droop, my head may even sag to one side. Basically, I want my body to become like a limp rag doll.

I then start to concentrate on my thinking, my ever whirling mind. For this mere few minutes I want to rid my mind of all thoughts of the day. I start to listen to and concentrate only on the sound of the waves. I envision myself sitting near a beach as the waves come rolling in. This take practise as my pesky mind keeps wanting to bring up thoughts of the day. When this happens I just gently push those thoughts away and return my thoughts to the waves on the beach. It does take a little practise keeping my thoughts under control if only for those few minutes but it does get easier.

This is but one of the forms of Bill meditation, If you have never tried it, you may well scoff at the idea. If you have never tried it, I challenge you to try it 3 or 4 times, I mean really try it, I am willing to bet you will be surprised at the results you get.

Huh, this is a post I have poked away at bit by bit over 3 days. Not really sure how well I kept the same thought process going. Hey, it is my journal so I write it as it comes to me.

Apologies to all as I so often seem to get, I am behind in responding to comments. Please know I do read and apprecaite every one. I will be responding asap.

****Note to all. I think it is the first time I have ever deleted a comment. Well one that I didn’t think was just spam. What is posted are your thoughts and I respect that. I have even let stand the few that are less than flattering to myself. I will not allow any comments to remain that I consider to be derogatory to anyone else or ones that contain what I consider inappropriate sexual overtones or innuendoes  to them. To the person out there that left me the comment this morning and read this. Your comment is gone, you will now know why.*****