Feeling really tired right now, but have no one but myself to blame for that. Was up unusually late watching TV. Ever watched a movie and it really isn’t all that good, but you keep watching waiting for something to happen but it never does. I am then kicking myself for sitting up so late to watch something so silly. Makes you almost feel like a bit of an idiot or something. Well I seem to be able to out do most in the idiot department. Right after the movie ended, I was surprised to see they had made a sequel. Yup, did the same thing and watched it all the way through. Thank goodness I have the luxury of nap time, I most certainly will be taking advantage of that today.
This morning I received an email from my good blogging friend Jennie directed me to a different site where she created a word picture using many of the supportive words I use so often in my posts. That is such a beautiful thing and I do thank you so much.
In her email one paragraph in particular really hit me:
“I always knew that words have great power to heal or to hurt. I may not have fully appreciated it until my exposure to verbal abuse. I’ll have to blog about this word power idea soon. Perhaps one positive result of my experience will be that I become more mindful of the impact of my words on others, and on myself for that matter.”
How many times have I heard or read that verbal (emotional) abuse can have a must longer and deeper impact on a person than even physical abuse. Physical scars and bruising heal much more quickly than emotional ones.
Emotional bruises and scarring take much longer to heal and can stay with a person for their entire life time. Not always but often this time of long term hurt is caused by words. Depending on where and who these words come from they can cut down inside to our very soul.
I would imagine most of us at one time or another have at least heard of this, the terrible power that can be contained within a few words. We know of how words can be just devastating, we realize that. We know that “mere” words can have such a devastatingly negative impact. I ask then wouldn’t it just stand to reason, if we look at the flip side of the coin, that “mere” words could have a wonderfully healthy healing power to them. If words can tear us down then obviously words can build us up in a healthy positive way.
I think if we really look at it, we will or at least I have realized how much quicker words of criticism can spring to mind as apposed to words of praise. I know this and actually do make a conscious effort to avoid using critical words and instead look for opportunities to lavish praise when warranted. Key words in that line were make an effort, sometimes in spite of my best efforts, oh well I will keep working at it.
With in each of us we hold a great healing power, with the power of our words. This can be applied to each and every relationship in our lives each and every day. By relationship naturally in mean spouse, kids, family and friends. But I am also referring to all relationships and interactions with people in our lives generally. Let’s take a waiter in a restaurant or a cashier in a supermarket. At certain times these people will very briefly enter our lives. But even if it is just for a few minutes, we enter into a very short term, very casual relationship with them. For those few minutes they do play an important part in our lives.
Let me give but 2 examples. Let’s stay with the waiter in the restaurant. We have all had occasions where we have had just exceptionally great service. He/she has gone out of their way to serve us, above and beyond what we would normally get. Generally, we do acknowledge that by leaving a little larger tip. Now I am sure that is appreciated but it is totally non personal. How much extra effort would it take us to just say a few words to the individual. Thank them for the wonderful service they gave you, voice your appreciation. How can we know what is going on in the life of another. Possibly that waiter/waitress is going through a really tough time in life and had to dig down deep within themselves to be able to give you the high quality service. Just a few words of recognition and appreciation may well be just what they need to hear to help get them through the day. There is really no way we can ever know. Really, what did it cost us to spend that extra 15 or 20 seconds to verbalize our appreciation of the service.
One more example from within our own families. I think or at least I hope we all know how wrong it would be to tell our children they are stupid or bad or any such thing. The long term affects of such comments can be devastating. We can be oh, so quick to recognize and verbalize our dissatisfaction on how our children are misbehaving. Are we as quick to jump in with a positive loving comment when they do behave. Now hear I am not talking about things like when your child comes home with an A on a report card. Or course we are proud and congratulate them on a job well done. But, I am talking here more of the regular day to day activities, in just our daily routine. I don’t know but I would guess that if the average parent had some way of actually keeping track of every comment made to their child in any given day would likely see the comments containing some sort of negative connotation far out number the positive. It seems to me anyway that particularly with our spouse, kids and other family. We take good for granted, that is what is expected and we never comment on it. Act in anyway other than what we consider to be good and the comments spew forth very quickly.
Why is it we seem to make a conscious effort at times to avoid making negative comments, biting our tongues or what ever? Why don’t we put at least that same amount of effort into looking for positive and healing messages.
Each and everyone of us has a great power within us. The power to help heal others through our words. We all have the words within, let’s get them out and start a whole lot of healing.
Jennie, I thank you for the email and for the wonderful message. You really have me thinking and I do thank you.
July 31, 2008 at 8:29 pm |
I often think about the use of negative words in my everyday language – there are a lot of them! Not just to others but about myself too, I suppose. But the thing I worry about is joking in negative ways. Everyone gets called stupid or silly in a jokey way, and most people can take it, but I do wonder if, deep down, these jokes can also have a very harmful effect.
I often tell my boyfriend how stupid he is, like when he purposely acts silly etc. Really he is a very clever person, and I tell him that too, but probably not as much as I tell him the opposite! He knows I’m joking but there must be subconscious effects of such language. I don’t think I am alone in this, everyone does it, which is why it is such a big effort to change: it is part of common everyday language and happens without thinking. It happens in comedy TV shows too – there is always a fool to make fun of.
This is why I find your posts interesting, because you seem to be ahead of the game in that respect. Some people just find it harder to think before they speak. It has to be conscious and you say you make this conscious effort all the time – something that I am increasingly trying to do, too
hi mspennylane you bring up some excellent points and I thank you. I do wonder as you mention it. If someone is always “fall guy” or takes the brunt of a lot of jokes in which they are made fun of or called stupid, what ever. Even if they know it is meant as a joke would it eventually hit them if even on a subconscious level of some sort. I am not a doctor or anything, but I would have to think it would over time, but really don’t know. Possibly someone more knowledgeable than I can leave a comment telling us the answer to this.
I also think the negative thoughts we have about ourselves, verbalized or not have a deep negative impact.
I appreciate the comment about me being ahead of the game as I am making an effort to think before I speak. I do make that effort but believe me the effort still seems to often come up short. I am working on it.
August 1, 2008 at 5:41 am |
Ah Bill, why is it when I need a butt kicking, you seem to know when I have been naughty and put a post on about it….. How is that ??
OK I am fessing up. My 6 year old has been throwing the most outrageous tantrums when getting ready for school. It’s all rush rush rush, work lunches, school lunches getting ready etc. Anyway they are at a stage that my nerves feel completely frazelled when she starts and I feel like I could lock her in a cupboard for a week???? Nothing was working, patience, yelling, smack on the bum absolutely nothing, So as my frustration with her took hold yesterday I did threaten the adoption agency and pretended to ring them on the phone to come and pick her up !!!!! (VERY NEGATIVE)… Now this all took place yesterday mind you, so this morning, I could not have had a more perfect angel on my hands…… I obviously scared the living daylights out of her, so today she behaved for fear of being sent to the adoption agency…. Some might say cool, it worked, I was saying cool it worked, until I read Bill’s post today, and realised I didn’t praise her about being so well behaved…… I just took it for granted as that is how it is supposed to be. Looks like I need the adoption agency. Thanks Bill for making it all clear, I will most certainly be praising her when I get home tonight about how well behaved she was this morning getting ready for school…. Thanks again for putting lifes little oddities into perspective for us all.
Hi Jo, isn’t it amazing how quick we are to notice and voice our displeasure over what we see as unacceptable behavior. While good or what we see as acceptable behavior so often doesn’t even seem to register on our mental radar. We just seem to take it for granted that, this is the way things are supposed to be and say nothing. Our kids are learning and developing. They learn and respond according to the feedback the get. I realized something as I was typing that last line. It doesn’t just apply to kids it applies to each and everyone of us. Irregardless of age we never stop learning and developing as we journey through life. Our thoughts and feelings develop largely do to the feed back we get.
It all sounds so easy as I just write it. Hey, I have been there in the same situation as you. As much as we love them kids can most certainly be a strain on the patience.