Dying Man's Daily Journal - How I Cope

Up early again this morning with the choking sensation. Sleeping in a more up right position helps with that. At times I have used 6 or 7 pillows propping myself up. I find it so hard to sleep that way and my back always ends up aching. Maybe that is what I should be doing again. Doing that it would be easier sleeping out in my reclining chair in the living room, but I kind of like having Vi beside me. Breathing is so taken for granted, we do it without even realizing we are doing it, until suddenly we can’t then it is suddenly every breath is so noticeable.

Some of our company will be leaving today. Margaret is recovering nicely from her heart attack. So Margaret, husband Lloyd and son William will be flying home this afternoon. I will no longer have William as my valued helper on the blog, It is so early he is still asleep, maybe when he wakes up I will ask if he wants to post a little farewell or something. I thank all that left him a comment. He had a tough go for a day or 2 having both his mother and sister in the hospital at the same time. His time writing here and then receiving comments gave him such a boost, I thank all. Ceeque the email was so special, so exciting for him to receive an email all the way from England. I thank you.

I received an interesting question from totaltransformation. How do you cope knowing the end is near? Good question, interesting question.

I have 3 separate thoughts on this, which generally I use together. First and most important I have my strong faith in place. Through this I find I have very little to “cope” with. I do not fear my passing as I am confident of my beliefs and in the after life. Saddened by the thought, oh yes, my life here is good. I dread being parted from my family and friends.

Numbers 2 and 3 largely pertain to attitude. Maintaining a positive attitude, a positive mind set is such a big help and so important. Not only in this but in every phase of life.

So, way #2. I have great respect for all in the medical field. The science of medicine has made such huge advances. Millions and millions of lives are save each year with the skill of the fine doctors, nurses and everyone involved in the care of a patient.Even the science of medicine has its limitations, my prognosis is clear, the timing is not. Only, our Heavenly Father knows that. So, yes it could happen today or tomorrow. I like to carry the thought ” I have had 4 heart attacks, any one of which could have put me down, but didn’t. This old heart of mine has already faced 4 big battles and won the fight each time. It may be a little beat up and scarred but still has a lot of fight left in in.

#3. I have been trying to come up with an every day comparison to explain my thinking here. With my apologizes to all dentists, a trip to the dentists office is the best I could come up with. It has never bothered me going to the dentist but from what I read and see on TV the mere thought seems to evoke fear or dread in a lot of people. It is for that reason only I will use it as my comparison. Lets suppose you have set a dental appointment for say two weeks in the future. You dread the thought but you know in the 2 weeks you will go. Now you have a choise to make. The choise is how you are going to spend the next 2 weeks. You can choose to have a miserable 2 weeks full of fear, worry and dread. Or, you can choose to have an enjoyable happy 2 weeks. Either way, that appointment is going to come and you are going to go to it. The only difference is your state of mind and the quality of the time you had during the time leading up to the appointment.

I choose to enjoy my time leading up to my big appointment.

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