Yesterday was a pretty good day. In fact it was very nice as it turned into a mini family reunion for me with several of my cousins leaving comments. Hello to all.
The last few days I have been thinking more and more about my blog. Well not really so much about the journal itself as the response I have had to it. Words like surprised, shocked and amazed come to mind. It seems to have grown so far past evenmy wildest expectations or hopes. Oh, the wonderful response I have received and from literally all over the world. I really knew nothing of blogging and didn’t know what to expect maybe one or two hits a week. Other than maybe family how many people could there be that would be interested in my life or thoughts. But here I am just over 4 months later and almost 22,000 hits.
I really do treat this as my daily journal. I don’t proof read anything I have written and it is only recently at Vi’s suggestion have I started using the spell checker. Maybe, I was just to lazy to go back and proof read, I don’t know. But I rationalized it as this is my journal, who proof reads their own journal. Plus, I suppose I was a little afraid if I reread it and started changing sentence structure or what ever it might start to change the message or thoughts I was trying to convey. As it is everything is straight from my heart my thoughts of the moment. These thoughts could come from anywhere, from something I read in the newspaper, saw on TV or often from the wording people typed into their seach engines on the internet that led them to my site.
Someday maybe I will write about how I sort of accidentally came across blogging, maybe I have already, just don’t remember. Through my banking career and all the typing and keyboarding I have done. I have long since realized I can type faster than I can write and my typing usually can be read while my hand writing sometimes is more difficult to decipher.
When I first started to hear the big “D” word from the doctors it sent me into a bit of a tail spin. It took me quite a while to get used to that idea and to come to a level of acceptance. During this period I did a lot of reading on death, dying and the after life. Through this period 4 separate ideas came to me, it just took me a while to put them together.
Idea or thought #1. I have read and heard from so many different sources that journaling can be very helpful even therapeutic. (it really is). Therapy or just an outlet for some of my feeling was something I needed and still do. I can type faster than I can write so on the computer seemed the best way.
#2. With all my reading I discovered an all to common theme in so many of the articles. So many people expressed fears, concerns, worries what ever about talking to a dying person. Often to the point they were actually avoiding the person. My thought was how sad, how silly, do I ever wish I could talk to that person.
#3. Maybe this is a little egotistical of me I don’t know. I suppose reality hit me with the birth of my grand daughter Sage. Here is this wonderful little girl that I love so much and she is so young she will not even remember me. By writing a lot of my thoughts at least she will have an idea of who I was. It is not as if I think my words or thoughts are important or anything like that. It is just my grandparents died when I was fairly young and I actually have very few memories of them. For me anyway it would be interesting to be able to read of their inner thoughts and feelings to really learn who they were. So for what its worth I am passing this on to my children and grandchildren.
#4. I spend a lot of time now looking back and reflecting on my life. With the exception of my 2 wonderful daughters, I don’t see that I have made any contribution to this world. I thought maybe, just maybe by openly sharing my journal I could help someone out there. Show that yes, at first it may seem ackward talking to a dying loved one but it is not something to be afraid of or be avoided. My health may have changed but I am still me. You don’t have to be afraid of me or avoid me, I am still the same person I was last week or last year. Lets continue to enjoy the time we have together.
I started my daily journal, not knowing what I was really doing and still don’t. All I can say for sure is, it has never been intended as a poor me and never will be